What did YOU do?
When our girls were much younger and there was an ‘altercation’ of some sort between them – I would find that as soon as you would ask them: “What happened?”, they would both point fingers to each other, with a lengthy explanation of what the OTHER one did!
Somewhere along the line, I changed my approach and instead of asking “What happened?”, I would get down to their level and make eye contact and say: “What did YOU do?” This is normally when the truth would come out because each one would take responsibility for what they did individually!
With our kids as well, we noticed how sometimes the smallest incident, could have a huge over-reaction by one of them. This would normally show how the problem was not always that specific incident, but bitterness that had taken root in their hearts – due to many previous incidents – or even at times, other people in their environment, completely unrelated to one another, who had been mean to them or hurt them.
In view of that – something the LORD has been teaching me perhaps for a few years now, is that it is unbiblical to choose sides between His children, when there is an ‘altercation’ between them. For me it was/is a lesson I had to learn! This was largely because of my broken background, where I had learned to fiercely over-protect those that I love. Yet, even the people we love so much, can also make mistakes. We all do.
On the other side of that, it is truth that sometimes people can go into deception or operate in a spirit of error – those are different scenarios altogether and we should not be silent on issues like that, with wisdom and a spirit of humility – not slander and gossip.
Yet, even in those situations, we should pray for those people.
As the Word teaches us:
“Therefore let him who thinks he stands take heed lest he fall.” 1 Cor 10:12
Deception and error are highly destructive, if we truly love people, we would pray for them out of a heart with genuine, authentic love of Christ. Are we not many members – but one Body? We have ALL been deceived about a truth in God’s word at some place in our walk. Scary thought, yet fact nonetheless.
The truth is also that there are always three sides to a story:
2) Theirs and
3) The Truth (God knows it fully).
This is simply because so often we perceive things through tainted glasses. It is written that “there is no partiality with God” (Romans 2). God does not involve Himself in ‘sibling rivalry’ and the best question we can ask ourselves in situations like these, is – “What did I do?”, so we can go before our Father and repent and leave the rest to Him to work out in His time.